Talenti and Tools

So, life has been quite hectic, to say the very least. I admit I have neglected this blog for quite some time now. I have taken a leave of absence for about 6 weeks to help get the babies and momma settled, decorate the new house, and to finish up my Bachelors degree. This story I have shared before on my Facebook page, but I’d like to share it with you all as well. Enjoy!

We finally get our 13 month old down to sleep after one hell of a day. Me and mom are sitting on the couch watching some rubbish on TLC and searching Amazon for those ungodly expensive 4moms Momaroo contraptions for the twins. While I’m contemplating which kidney to sell in order to afford not one, but two of those damn machines… I decide, “hey, I am in dire need a beer”.  But because I’m on call at the hospital, that’s not going to fly tonight.

So I rummage through my mind, deciding what to eat to take the edge off. It hits me, I’ve got some Talenti in the freezer. It was as if Jesus himself was reminding me. With a smile on my face, I jump off the couch and float into the kitchen. Salivating a bit and quite possibly holding back a tear or two.

As I open the freezer, time slows down. Little angels are playing harps, holding hands and skipping in circles atop the freezer. I reach into the freezer and grab ahold of this 473 mL of greatness. I slowly begin to realize that what I’ve got in my hands is worth more than gold. More than 100 Momaroos! I make my way back to the couch to join my beautiful wife, who is still watching TV. I slowly peel off the plastic wrap, breathe a deep breath, and grab ahold of the brown lid that’s keeping me from diving in and frolicking around in the River of Jordan with Jesus himself…But I cannot get the lid off…I try again with my strong hand (the left hand…I’m right handed), still nothing. Sydney looks over at me and I hand her the container. Thinking in my mind, “please dear God, don’t let her get this open…I won’t hear the last of it…”, but truly not really caring because all I wanted was this Talenti in my mouth. She gives it a go, and nope. She cannot get it.
We began to question life altogether. Who would play such a horrible joke on us? Why would someone want to cause us so much pain? Who have we wronged? It just wasn’t making sense. Confused, sad, and hurt (physically, our hands really did hurt), we walked into the kitchen to try again. I grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapped it around the lid, spread my legs to establish a good stance, arched my back a bit, tightened my core, squeezed my glutes, tucked my elbow in and….nothing. By this time, my hands were as red as the container of Roman Raspberry Talenti we were failing to open.
I got desperate and did what any man in my position would do… I opened the tool cabinet and grabbed the hammer, flat head screw driver, tape measure (just in case), and a butchers knife.

At this moment, my wife begins to look concerned and quite possibly fearful. Not because of the tools I had out, but because she already had plans for this Talenti container (she uses the leftover containers as Tupperware…typical mom stuff). I grab the knife, hold it within my hands, and decide this wasn’t the right tool. Next, I grabbed the hammer. Holding it in my hands, I decided this wouldn’t do the job on its own…I put the hammer down. I grabbed the tape measure to measure the amount of patience I had after all this nonsense…none. I continued down the line, grabbing the flat head screwdriver and hammer. I went to work chiseling away at the lid when finally it came off.
20 painstaking minutes later, painful red palms, and a semi-melted 473 mL of Roman Raspberry Talenti it was open. No longer did I have an appetite to eat it, no longer did I have plans to do anything other than sleep. I was worn out, beaten up, and humbled by this pint of Talenti.
Lesson of the day: What’s worth having is worth the hassle. Everyone is going to cause us pain, we’ve just got to choose the right person to suffer for. In my case, it was the Talenti.

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